2 Corinthians, Chapter 11, Verse 3
But I am afraid that, as the
serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts may be corrupted from a sincere
[and pure] commitment to Christ.
Paul was concerned here
about the faithfulness of the church knowing that where the mind goes so does
the heart and soul. We are often plagued by thoughts that we have no control
over. We must indeed exercise the mind as we do a muscle.
Uncorrupting Your Thoughts[1]
STEP #1 KNOW that every time you have a thought, your brain releases chemicals. That’s how our brain works…you have a thought, your brain releases chemicals, an electrical transmissions goes across your brain and you become aware of what you’re thinking. Thoughts are real and they have a real impact on how you feel and how you behave.
STEP #2 Every time you have an angry thought, an unkind thought, a sad thought, or a cranky thought, your brain releases negative chemicals that make your body feel bad (and activate your deep limbic system). Think about the last time you were mad. How did your body feel? When most people are angry their muscles become tense, their hearts beat faster, their hands start to sweat and they may even begin to feel a little dizzy. Your body reacts to every negative thought you have.
STEP #3 Every time you have a good thought, a happy thought, a hopeful thought or a kind thought, your brain releases chemicals that make your body feel good (and cools your deep limbic system). Think about the last time you had a really happy thought. How did you feel inside your body? When most people are happy their muscles relax, their hearts beat slower, their hands become dry and they breathe slower. Your body also reacts to your good thoughts.
STEP #4 Your body reacts to every thought you have. We know this from polygraphs or lie detector tests. During a lie detector test, a person is hooked up to equipment that measures: hand temperature, heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate, muscle tension and how much the hands sweat. The tester then asks questions, like “Did you do that thing?” If the person did the bad thing his body is likely to have a “stress” response and it is likely to react in the following ways: hands get colder, heart goes faster, blood pressure goes up, breathing gets faster, muscles get tight and hands sweat more. Almost immediately, his body reacts to what he thinks, whether he says anything or not. Remember, the deep limbic system is responsible for translating our emotional state into physical feelings of relaxation or tension. Now the opposite is also true. If he did not do the thing the tester asked about it is likely that his body will experience a “relaxation” response and react in the following ways: hands will become warmer, heart rate will slow, blood pressure goes down, breathing becomes slower and deeper, muscles become more relaxed and hands become drier. Again, almost immediately, your body reacts to what you think. This not only happens when you’re asked about telling the truth, your body reacts to every thought you have, whether it is about work, friends, family or anything else.
STEP #5 Thoughts are very powerful. They can make your mind and your body feel good or they can make you feel bad. Every cell in your body is affected by every thought you have. That is why when people get emotionally upset, they actually develop physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomach aches. Some physicians think that people who have a lot of negative thoughts are more likely to get cancer. If you can think about good things you will feel better. Think of your body like an “ecosystem.” An ecosystem contains everything in the environment like the water, the land, the cars, the people, the animals, the vegetation, the houses, the landfills, etc. A negative thought is like pollution to your system.
STEP #6 Unless you think about your thoughts they are automatic or “they just happen.” Since they just happen, they are not necessarily correct. Your thoughts do not always tell the truth. Sometimes they even lie to you. I once treated a college student who thought he was stupid, because he didn’t do well on tests. When his IQ (intelligence level) was tested, however, we discovered that he was close to a genius! You don’t have to believe every thought that goes through your head. It’s important to think about your thoughts to see if they help you or they hurt you. Unfortunately, if you never challenge your thoughts you just “believe them” as if they were true.
STEP #7 You can train your thoughts to be positive and hopeful or you can just allow them to be negative and upset you. Once you learn about your thoughts, you can chose to think good thoughts and feel good or you can choose to think bad thoughts and feel lousy. That’s right, it’s up to you! You can learn how to change your thoughts and you can learn to change the way you feel. One way to learn how to change your thoughts is to notice them when they are negative and talk back to them. If you can correct negative thoughts, you take away their power over you. When you just think a negative thought without challenging it, your mind believes it and your body reacts to it.
STEP #8 As I mentioned above, negative thoughts are mostly automatic or they “just happen.” That is why I call these thoughts “Automatic Negative Thoughts” or ANTs. Think of these negative thoughts that invade your mind like ants that bother a couple at a picnic. One negative thought, like one ant at a picnic, is not a big problem. Two or three negative thoughts, like two or three ants at a picnic, becomes more irritating. Ten or twenty negative thoughts, like ten or twenty ants at a picnic, may cause the couple to pick up and leave the picnic. Whenever you notice these automatic negative thoughts or ANTs you need to crush them or they’ll ruin your relationships, your self-esteem and your personal power. One way to crush these ANTs is to write them down and talk back to them. For example, if you think, “My husband never listens to me,” write it down. Then write down a rational response; something like “He’s not listening to me now, maybe he’s distracted by something else. He often listens to me.” When you write down negative thoughts and talk back to them, you take away their power and help yourself feel better. Some people tell me they have trouble talking back to these negative thoughts because they feel that they are lying to themselves. Initially, they believe that the thoughts that go through their mind are the truth. Remember, thoughts sometimes lie to you. It’s important to check them out before you just believe them!
Here
are nine different ways that your thoughts lie to you to make situations out to
be worse than they really are. Think of these nine ways as different species or
types of ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). When you can identify the type of
ANT, you begin to take away the power it has over you. I have designated some
of these ANTs as red, because these ANTs are particularly harmful to you.
Notice and exterminate ANTs whenever possible.
ANT #1: “Always or Never Thinking” This happens when you think something that happened will
“always” repeat itself. For example, if your partner is irritable and she gets
upset you might think to yourself, “She’s always yelling at me,” even though
she yells only once in a while. But just the thought “She’s always yelling at
me” is so negative that it makes you feel sad and upset. It activates your
limbic system. Whenever you think in words like always, never, no one, every
one, every time, everything those are examples of “always” thinking and usually
wrong. Here are some examples of “always” thinking: “He’s always putting me
down.” “No one will ever call me.” “I’ll never get a raise.” “Everyone takes
advantage of me.” “You turn away every time I touch you.”
“My children never listen to me.” “Always thinking” ANTs are very common. Watch out for them.
“My children never listen to me.” “Always thinking” ANTs are very common. Watch out for them.
ANT #2 (red ANT): “Focusing on the Negative” This occurs when your thoughts only see the bad in a
situation and ignore any of the good parts that might happen. For example, I
have treated several professional speakers for depression. After their
presentations they had the audience fill out an evaluation form. If l00 of them
were returned and 2 of them were terrible, but 90 of them were outstanding,
which ones do you think they focused on? Only the negative ones! I taught them
to focus on the ones they liked a lot more than the ones they didn’t like. It’s
important to learn from others, but
in a balanced, positive way. Your deep limbic system can learn a powerful
lesson from the Disney movie, “Pollyanna.” In the movie, Pollyanna came to live
with her aunt after her missionary parents died. Even though she had lost her
parents she was able to help many “negative people” with her attitude. She
introduced them to the “glad game,” to look for things to be glad about in any
situation. Her father had taught her this game after she experienced a
disappointment. She had always wanted a doll, but her parents never had enough
money to buy it for her. Her father sent a request for a second hand doll to
his missionary sponsors. By mistake, they sent her a pair of crutches. “What is
there to be glad about crutches?” they thought. Then they decided they could be
glad because they didn’t have to use them. This very simple game changed the
attitudes and lives of many people in the movie. Pollyanna especially affected
the minister. Before she came to town he preached hellfire and damnation, and
he did not seem to be very happy. Pollyanna told him that her father said that
the Bible had 800 “Glad Passages,” and that if God mentioned being glad that
many times, it must be because He wants us to think that way. Focusing on the
negative in situations will make you feel bad. Playing the glad game, or
looking for the positive will help you feel better.
ANT #3 (red ANT): “Fortune Telling” This is where you predict the worst possible outcome to a
situation. For example, before you discuss an important issue with your partner
you predict that he or she won’t be interested in what you have to say. Just
having this thought will make you feel tense. I call “fortune telling” red ANTs
because when you predict bad things you can make them happen.
ANT #4 (red ANT): “Mind Reading” This
happens when you believe that you know what another person is thinking even
when they haven’t told you. Mind reading is a common cause of trouble between
people. I tell my wife, “Please don’t read my mind, I have enough trouble
reading it myself!” You know that you are mind reading when you have thoughts
such as, “She’s mad at me. He doesn’t like me. They were talking about me.” I
tell people that a negative look from someone else may be nothing more than
they are constipated! You don’t know. You can’t read anyone else’s mind. You never know what others are really
thinking. Even in intimate relationships, you cannot read your partner’s mind.
When there are things you don’t understand, clarify them and stay away from
mind reading ANTs. They are very infectious.
ANT #5: “Thinking with Your Feelings” This occurs when you believe your negative feelings without
ever questioning them. Feelings are very complex, and, often based on powerful
memories from the past. Feelings sometimes lie to you. Feelings are not about
truth. They are about feelings. But many people believe their feelings even though
they have no evidence for them. “Thinking with your feelings” thoughts usually
start with the words “I feel.” For example, “I feel like you don’t love me. I
feel stupid. I feel like a failure. I feel nobody will ever trust me.” Whenever
you have a strong negative feeling, check it out. Look for the evidence behind
the feeling. Do you have real reasons to feel that way? Or, are you feelings
based on events or things from the past?
ANT #6: “Guilt Beatings” Guilt
is not a helpful emotion, especially for your deep limbic system. In fact,
guilt often causes you to do those things that you don’t want to do. Guilt
beatings happen when you think with words like “should, must, ought or have
to.” Here are some examples: “I ought to spend more time at home. I must spend
more time with my kids. I should have sex more often. I have to organize my
office.” Because of human nature, whenever we think that we “must” do
something, no matter what it is, we don’t want to do it. It is better to
replace “guilt beatings” with phrases like “I want to do this…It fits with my
goals to do that…It would be helpful to do this….” So in the examples above, it
would be helpful to change those phrases to “I want to spend more time at home.
It’s in our best interest for my kids and I to spend more time together. I want
to please my spouse by making wonderful love with him (or her) because he (or
she) is important to me. It’s in my
best interest to organize my office.” Get rid of this unnecessary emotional
turbulence that holds you back from achieving the goals you want.
ANT #7: “Labeling” Whenever
you attach a negative label to yourself or to someone else, you stop your
ability to take a clear look at the situation. Some examples of negative labels
that people use are “jerk, frigid, arrogant and irresponsible.” Negative labels
are very harmful, because whenever you call yourself or someone else a jerk or
arrogant you lump that person in your mind with all of the “jerks” or “arrogant
people” that you’ve ever known and you become unable to deal with them in a
reasonable way. Stay away from negative labels.
ANT #8: “Personalization” Personalization
occurs when innocuous events are taken to have personal meaning. “My boss
didn’t talk to me this morning. She must be mad at me.” Or, one feels he or she
is the cause of all the bad things that happen, “My son got into an accident
with the car. I should have spent more time teaching him to drive. It must be
my fault.” There are many other reasons for behavior besides the negative
explanations an abnormal limbic system picks out. For example, your boss may
not have talked to you because she was preoccupied, upset or in a hurry. You
never fully know why people do what they do. Try not to personalize their
behavior.
ANT #9 (the most poisonous red ANT): “Blame” Blame is very harmful. When you blame something or someone
else for the problems in your life, you become a victim of circumstances and
you cannot do anything to change your situation. Many relationships are ruined
by people who blame their partners when things go wrong. They take little
responsibility for their problems. When something goes wrong at home or at
work, they try to find someone to blame. They rarely admit their own problems.
Typically, you’ll hear statements from them like: “It wasn’t my fault that….” “That
wouldn’t have happened if you had….” “How was I supposed to know….” “It’s your
fault that….” The bottom line statement goes something like this: “If only you
had done something differently, I wouldn’t be in the predicament I’m in. It’s
your fault, and I’m not responsible.” Whenever you blame someone else for the
problems in your life, you become powerless to change anything. The “Blame
Game” hurts your personal sense of power. Stay away from blaming thoughts and
take personal responsibility to change the problems you have.
Summary of A.N.T. Species:
- “Always” thinking: thinking in
words like always, never, no one, every one, every time, everything.
- Focusing on the negative: only
seeing the bad in a situation.
- Fortune telling: predicting the
worst possible outcome to a situation.
- Mind reading: believing that
you know what another person is thinking, even though they haven’t told
you.
- Thinking with your feelings:
believing negative feelings without ever questioning them.
- Guilt beatings: thinking in
words like “should, must, ought or have to.”
- Labeling: attaching a negative
label to yourself or to someone else.
- Personalization: innocuous
events are taken to have personal meaning.
- Blame: blaming someone else for
your own problems.
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