Sirach, Chapter 15, Verse 1
Whoever fears
the LORD will do this; whoever is practiced in the Law will come to Wisdom.
Practiced in the law means to follow the commandment of
God and the commandment of God is love. Your freedom is a gift from God but
with it comes human responsibility. God, who sees everything, is neither the
cause nor the occasion of sin. We have the power to choose our behavior and we
are responsible for both the good and the evil we do.
Deceivers
are those who hold the Lord responsible for their sins.
As
the former Archbishop of Cape Town, Desmond Tutu became a leading human rights
advocate who has championed causes such as poverty, racism, homophobia,
sexism, HIV/AIDS and war. He received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989 and the
U.S. Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2009. In his newest work, The
Book of Forgiving (co-authored with his daughter, Mpho Tutu), he
offers four steps to forgiving and healing:
1.
Telling
the Story
2.
Naming
the Hurt
3.
Granting
Forgiveness
4.
Renewing
or Releasing the Relationship
Here,
we discuss this process, how his experiences with apartheid relate to it, and
how he answers those who’ve criticized it.
Your
first step to forgiveness and healing is to “admit the wrong and acknowledge
the harm.” Doesn’t that just dredge up
old pain? For both the offender and the victim, the pain is there, often
unacknowledged and that is when it can cause harm through festering. When I
ignore a physical wound, it does not go away. No, it festers and goes bad. It
may be initially painful to open up a wound, but then it can be cleaned out and
cauterized. And you can pour a healing balm.
Another
step you list is “asking for…and granting forgiveness.” How do you forgive someone who doesn’t think they’ve done anything
wrong? That is a very important issue. If forgiving depended on the culprit
owning up, then the victim would always be at the mercy of the perpetrator. The
victim would be bound in the shackles of victimhood. That is why forgiving
is a gift to the forgiver as well as to the perpetrator. As the victim, you
offer the gift of your forgiving to the perpetrator who may or may not
appropriate the gift, but it has been offered and thereby it liberates the
victim. Jesus prayed that His Father should forgive the men who were nailing
Him to the cross even as they were doing so; He even found an excuse for them
and so really offered His forgiveness thereby. He did not wait until they asked
for His forgiveness. Of course, it would have been far better if they had been
penitent and asked for His forgiveness. It was a gift He was giving to Himself
as well, which released Him from being filled with self-pity, an unhealthy
psychological state. It would be grossly unfair to the victim to be dependent
on the whim of the perpetrator. It would make him or her a victim twice over.
The gift has been given. It is up to the intended recipient to appropriate it.
The outside air is fresh and invigorating and it is always there. If you
are in a dank and stuffy room, you can enjoy that fresh air if you open the
windows. It is up to you.
RNS:
In a post entitled, “Why Desmond Tutu is Wrong,” Lesley Leyland Fields suggests
that your notion that we forgive “for ourselves” is “killing biblical
forgiveness.” She says, “Biblical forgiveness is a gift first to the offender
and to Christ.” How do you respond? I have already pointed how it is important,
very important to give oneself that gift, of letting go of resentment and anger
which diminish oneself. The self is quite important in who we are. Jesus
quoting the Torah answers the question, “Which is the greatest law?” by saying,
“The first is Thou shalt love The Lord thy God with all….” And then He adds,
“The second is, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”. That is the highest
approbation one can hope for about a proper self-love. We know the havoc that
has been caused by those with a feeble self-image, weak self-esteem. They will
usually throw their weight around trying to fill the hollow inside them.
Offering forgiveness prevents us from being destroyed by a corrosive
resentment. It helps us grow in being magnanimous.
RNS: Fields also says that Biblical forgiveness is “not about letting go of the past, but about redeeming the past. If “redeeming the past” means “not allowing the past to haunt you, to have a stranglehold on you” then I’m happy to let her use her phrase.
RNS:
You mention that sometimes the final step is “releasing” rather than “renewing”
the relationship. How do you know which is the right path? There are the fairly
obvious ones: an abusive relationship should be easy to identify though
often one of the most difficult to end; or one where you are likely to be
misled into risky behavior–like excessive drinking, experimenting with
dangerous substances, etcetera. But there are other more subtle ones such as
friendships that can lead to infidelity and other things. In the end, we know
the relationships we should end.[1]
Catechism
of the Catholic Church
III.
THE LOVE OF HUSBAND AND WIFE
2360 Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the
physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual
communion. Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the
sacrament.
2361
"Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one another
through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is not something
simply biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as
such. It is
realized in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by
which a man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until death.
Tobias got out of bed and said to Sarah, "Sister, get up, and let us pray
and implore our Lord that he grant us mercy and safety." So she got up,
and they began to pray and implore that they might be kept safe. Tobias began
by saying, "Blessed are you, O God of our fathers. You made Adam, and for
him you made his wife Eve as a helper and support. From the two of them the
race of mankind has sprung. You said, 'It is not good that the man should be
alone; let us make a helper for him like himself.' I now am taking this
kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity. Grant that she and
I may find mercy and that we may grow old together." And they both said, "Amen,
Amen." Then they went to sleep for the night.
2362 "The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of
the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of
these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy
and gratitude." Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure: The Creator
himself established that in the [generative] function, spouses should
experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do
nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the
Creator has intended for them. At the same time, spouses should know how to
keep themselves within the limits of just moderation.
2363 The spouses' union achieves
the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the
transmission of life. These two meanings or values of marriage cannot be
separated without altering the couple's spiritual life and compromising the
goods of marriage and the future of the family.
The
conjugal love of man and woman thus stands under the twofold obligation of
fidelity and fecundity (faithful & fruitful).
Every Wednesday is
Dedicated to St. Joseph
The Italian culture has
always had a close association with St. Joseph perhaps you could make
Wednesdays centered around Jesus’s Papa. Plan an Italian dinner of pizza or
spaghetti after attending Mass as most parishes have a Wednesday evening Mass.
You could even do carry out to help restaurants. If you are adventurous, you
could do the Universal Man Plan: St. Joseph style. Make the evening a family
night perhaps it could be a game night. Whatever you do make the day special.
·
Do the St.
Joseph Universal Man Plan.
· Devotion to the 7 Joys and Sorrows of St.
Joseph
Daily
Devotions/Practices
·
Today's Fast: Unite in the work of the Porters of St. Joseph by joining them
in fasting: Holy
Priests, Consecrated and Religious.
·
Litany of the Most Precious
Blood of Jesus
·
Total Consecration
to St. Joseph Day 11
· Offering to the sacred heart of Jesus
·
Rosary
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