A Comparison of The Two Different
Perspectives on The Stages of Death
In 1969 Elisabeth
Kubler Ross a noted psychiatrist suggested that there are five distinct stages
of grief after the loss of a loved one which are Denial, Anger, Bargaining,
Depression and finally acceptance. At that time most people dealt with grief
via their religious affiliations. Records show that at that time 70 percent of
Roman Catholics believed in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. Today
the percent of Roman Catholics that believe in the real presence of Christ in
the Eucharist is down to only 30 percent. I believe that the change from the
two different perspectives on the stages of death is due to the secularization
of America. The new seven stages now address the psychological needs of the
non-believing.
On Death and Dying[1]
Ross’s book, On Death and Dying, also was not
originally conceived to help friends and family in dealing with the death but
to help the person who is dying and the stages they go through before they
accept their own death and hopefully find peace. It is important to note that
Ross did not use empirical evidence to develop her stages but was developed by
her experience with the dying. Also, it is crucial to note that the grieving
process is different and distinctive for each person and that the stages may or
may not be linear. Nor will everyone go through anger or depression and some
people may not find peace. Some people may go through a stage multiple times.
There is no right way to grieve death.
5 Stages[2]
·
Denial-is a way we can minimize the pain of loss; it is a survival
mechanism. This helps us from being overwhelmed by emotions and we are trying
to absorb and understand.
·
Anger-is an emotion that causes us to act while we are trying to
adjust to the new reality. However, anger may scare people away when we most need
them. Anger Can Affect Your Health.
·
Bargaining-you are willing to do almost anything; you may find God;
and you may curse God. You may find prayer. We realize we are powerless. We
need to cope with Negative Emotions.
·
Depression-This is when we find that our bargaining is not an
option. Panic sets in and inward sadness grows. We may retreat from others. We
want to be alone. If we continue seek help.
·
Acceptance-is the spot where we find peace and can deal with the
pain of loss.
7 Stages[3]
Through time,
however, different sources have added what they believe to be other stages of
grief and to be focused not only on the person who is dying but also those who
survive.
·
Disbelief & Shock-was added to help not the dying but the
living who experience numbness and doubt in their assumptions.
·
Denial-has no change from the 5 stages.
·
Guilt & Pain-was added here to help with the survivors in
dealing with the remorse over “what might have been”. Sometimes a person passes
and the survivor and the person that dies were not on good terms. It is
important to deal with the pain and grief and pass through them without the aid
of alcohol and drugs.
·
Bargaining-for survivors this is an
attempt to make sense of the loss and coming to the realization there is
nothing you can do to bring one back from the dead.
·
Anger-during this phase the survivors
tend to lash out at the ones around them and try to place blame. People may end
relationships. To preserve these relationships, it is important to find a way
to deal with anger in a healthy manner. Failing to do so may cause permanent
damage.
·
Depression-A person who has never experienced depression before may
have a hard time with this stage. It is important to let yourself feel the
grief and to reflect and be patient in your recuperation.
·
Acceptance-is a fading away of grief a restricting of life without
and a cleaning out of a loved one’s chattel, and a new beginning. This is a
decision to move on and return to normalcy. To stop looking at the past and move
on to the future.
Grieving
For those of the Christian faith we believe
in dying to self and carrying our cross. In reflection the Christian is always
in the dying process and therefore has in some respect had practice with the
dying process and realizes the truth is unavoidable. We realize we are destined
to die, and this world is a test of our will to align ourselves with our
creator. We should be grateful for the life our creator gave us and if we can-mirror
the attitude of the war chief Tecumseh, who told his people to prepare for death in
an upcoming war.
So, live your life that the fear
of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion;
respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your
life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your
life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death
song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a
sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a
lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in
the morning give thanks for the food and the joy of living. If you see no
reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no
thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of vision.
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with
the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a
little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your
death song and die like a hero going home.[4]
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